Why did rehab help the two spies?

This story comes from the book Josh 2. Two spies from the Progressive Industrial Freedom Fighters Liberation Experiment (PIFFLE) were sent to the headquarters of the conglomeration Jeri Co. to do a little industrial sabotage. They managed to get through the personal-space-appropriate welcome-hugging doorman, the staycation concierge, and the retinal scanner, but were found out when they reached the breakroom. I mean, everybody knows what a vegan, organic, gluten-free muesli bar is. They shouldn't have stood and gawked like that.

As they ran from the Security Friends armed with biodegradable Nerf grenades, they stumbled into a dark room. Once inside, they realized it wasn't empty. Soft tinkly music came from a speaker shaped like a rock near a bubbling fountain backlit with colored lights. Instead of chairs, big, fair-trade-batik-covered pillows sat against the walls.

"Welcome to Jeri Co.'s Rehabilitation, Awakening, Holistic Alleviation Boutique, friends. How can we help you today?"

The two spies had to think quick. They glanced at the chalkboard sign on the shiplap wall behind the receptionist to see what they offered.

"Uh," said the first spy. "I hurt my back?"

"Yeah," said the other. "And I have an addiction to…Mel Gibson movies?"

"Certainly," said the receptionist. "Right this way."

By the time the Security Friends arrived, the two spies were safely hidden behind HIPAA laws and confidentiality clauses. That night, they snuck out and returned to PIFFLE headquarters.

"What did you find out?" asked their leader.

"I need to take more breaks from the keyboard and stretch," said the first spy. "And get a memory foam pillow."

"I need to come to terms with the end of my rugby career," said the second. "And stop trying to find surrogate outlets for my former violent life."

"I mean about the corporation!" the leader said. "How can we take it down?"

"Oh, easy," said the first spy. "Just hack into their inter-office Slack channel and announce that the aqua trampoline room is going to be converted to an ax-throwing studio."

"Yeah, they'll run like someone put dairy in their milk," said the second spy. "But keep the rehab facility off the message board. Those people at RAHAB are the real deal."

---